all fille, newly seule again.
a small collection of my thoughts and things i like, as i travel through this life of mine.

I feel like I’ve been a selfish friend lately. My conversations still mildly punctuated with something I am still trying to twist into a positive when it’s clearly over, but it’s how I’ve been trying to stop myself from falling off. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and PTSD. Moving home so soon has had me reliving my trauma everyday, sometimes multiple times a day and it is slowly chipping away at everything I’ve worked for. It breaks my heart that so many women in my family have been sexually assaulted. It makes me angry that none of us were immune to these things. I don’t want to lose myself again and it’s been difficult without a support system. Living in a society doused with rape jokes doesn’t make it easy either. I just feel infinitesimally small and sad curled up in this bed trying to stop things from replaying again and again and again..

This is going to ruin my year. Will be the most bummed not seeing them. WHY GOD WHY
"Horror. The spiral birth factory, stepped terraces of the hatching cells, blind jaws of the unborn moving ceaselessly, the staged progress from egg to larva, near-wasp, wasp. In his mind’s eye, a kind of time-lapse photography took place revealing the thing as the biological equivalent of a machine gun, hideous in its perfection. Alien."
William Gibson, Neuromancer
tonight got religious at the devil’s punchbowl. @serbourbon
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